my story revisited#196-dont judge her

MY STORY REVISITED #196-DONT JUDGE HER

if you are going to read this old blog you need to read the article linked in the old blog
it is from the ny times and you may have to pay for it
here is a link to a summary of that article that gives you the gist of what the original article was about
click here to read that summary

this is a make you think article about what you would do

i look at my mothers alzheimers course and my younger brothers course and i think what point during my disease would i want to be euthanized

this person in the ny times article did it while she was cognitively intact enough to do it
that means
she had more living to do 
she could have gotten more time with her loved ones
sorry
i cant do that
i want to extract all the time i can be cognitively aware with my grandkids my wife she my sons and daughter in laws my brothers and sisters my friends my relatives my garden and more

when my senses are not sensing those things anymore
then thats the time
__________

05-15-2015
ALZHEIMERS NEWS-LAST DAY
if my amnestic mild cognitive impairment does as it
is expected to do
progress to full blown alzheimers disease
could i or should i or would i
choose my last day

my cousin about my age posted online on facebook
this article
the last day of her life from the nytimes magazine

i know she must think about all this a lot
since like me
her mom and dad both died with dementia
she watched them dwindle away
as did all her dads siblings
including my mother who was a sister to her dad

we all know what that final course is like
i saw it first hand in my mother and my younger brother
it was so difficult to see them in those final stages
with all the health issues that that entails
almost cruel it seemed

so i think about this a lot
and
i have thought about this a lot
and
this article just makes me want to pause a minute
and
think about this article

could or would or should i plan something like this

now ive seen on tv these specials on euthanasia
where folks are allowed to legally end their life
now i will admit though that it seemed some of
those folks had more living to do
but
there were many whose time had come
cant we let them die with some dignity at the time
and place of their choosing

now i watched still alice the movie about the
college professor who had alzheimers disease
she planned hers out
even got the drugs set aside in a drawer
with the instructions on her computer on how to
do this final episode of her life

the problem was she couldnt understand
and
follow the directions

i look at my mothers disease progression
and
my younger brothers progression
and
i think at what point would be the point to
do this final episode of my life

i think of times in their disease
and
think definitely before them
then
at earlier times
no definitely not yet

so timing is the problem
for you see i plan to extract all i can out of this
final journey
but
when no more can be extracted
then
its time

but
am i going to be like still alice where ive waited
too late

i think this person in this article was a brave brave
person
to do what she did
she left on her own terms
before the final deep despondent for everyone involved
heart wrenching loss of humanity decline
occurs

now
i know thats the thing to do
i would want it that way
but
scheduling it seems to be the problem

i want to be remembered as a good family doctor
a good husband
a good father
a good grandfather

an advocate

a volunteer
an organic gardener
and
not as a shriveled up shell of myself at the end
both physically and mentally

take a moment
read this article
dont judge
_________
when i wrote that blog 8 years ago i really thought i would be further along in my disease such that i wouldnt be writing this blog today
you never know do you

when was that time for my relatives
i could go see them and they recognized me and would smile
maybe not then
for me that would not be the time

the last time i saw them they didnt know me at all
both were bedridden

when im bedridden that would probably be the time
but
then 
i wouldnt be the one that makes that choice

my suggestion is when its time let me go peacefully
let nature tkes its natural course
just dont intervene to stop mother nature

the organicgreen doctor