which bum paper is the best

WHICH BUM PAPER IS BEST

why is this called bath tissue
its a mess if you use in in your bath water
shouldnt it say toilet paper

we are always in search of the best toilet paper 
my wife she has her favorites
sometimes though we have to buy it from trader joes
they have a regular and a soft version

the non soft version i bought and used to sand my paint job before i applied a second coat of pant
it said to use a fine sand paper so i used this one instead

during the pandemic when toilet paper was hard to find you sort of had to take what you could get
i noticed even the leaves on our shrubs and trees in our condo courtyard were missing

i was excited to see this article linked here about the best toilet paper to use
i looked at the list
there was my wife shes favorite brand
it got an f
then
there in the top 4 was the fine sandpaper toilet paper from trader joes

what the heck i said
then 
i read the article

it was about the most eco friendly toilet papers
ecofriendly didnt equal best to your bum i guess

best means they dont use virgin sourced paper ie straight from the tree
the best ones used recycled paper
heck i recycled paper during the pandemic
magazines
newspapers
ads
mail
you name it 
it got used
i guess those would get an a rating
you know like the old sears roebuck catalog use to be used for
if you ever used an outhouse during the 50s you know what i mean

the other thing is using chlorine think clorox to bleach the paper
that releases chlorine gas into the air
it makes the paper white
why dont they just leave the paper its natural color
brown

so i looked at the top four
they got an a+ rating
i have already xed off number three
that leaves
green forest
natural value
trader joes
365 everyday value

ill work my way through these to see if they qualify as sandpaper also
if they do
ill x them also

i wonder if an extra fine 3m brand would work
its brown

the organicgreen doctro