thought it was a goner

THOUGHT IT WAS A GONER

this is a picture of my wife shes iphone
i really thought it was a goner
here is the story partially told by it the iphone

now
its not the first time she has drowned or partially drowned her phone

her last phone 
well
it didnt like going to the beach
it was something about saltwater that corroded everything
by the time the rice bag was used
well
it was too late
it was like doing cpr on a doa patient 
they are not going to make it
that one didnt

now my wife she needs a necklace that attaches to her iphone
with
one of those retractable wires like on a key chain you see janitors or maintenance people wear

how her iphone survived the last two years ill never know

now i drowned a phone once while using it in the hot tub
i wasnt fast enough grabbing it and dunking it in the rice bath
it just did some real weird things
it had to be put to rest

the story as told to me by my wife she was
somehow she was putting the clothes in the washing machine when her iphone 
slid into the murky water
she grabbed it
turned it off
dried it
dunked it in a rice container for 24 hours

yesterday since she was out of town
i removed the iphone from its grave
then
i tried to turn it on
it wouldnt
i said oh heck
then 
i kept punching buttons and the white bitten apple showed up
it turned on
i logged on 
there was a message the iphone sent out to all my wife shes contacts

here is what it the iphone texted

there seemed to be some sarcasm and sadness in the message

hi 
i am my wife shes iphone
she tried to drown me in the washer 
but
i held my breath
then
she buried me in a big ole square bowl of rice with a lid on it 
that 
felt like a coffin
thankfully that rice sucked all that yucky water out of my inlet pore
i thought i was dead

i even saw that light at the end of the tunnel
i am not sure i even want her to take me back
i now only have 8 lives left
ill decide later when she comes home if she can have me back
it was so scary

she neglects me all the time
leaves me laying around by myself
sometimes she drops me on the floor
sometimes she lets the grandkids use me
i have to watch a lots of videos and cartoons
she will spend hours sliding her finger across my face
looking at stuff and laughing and sometimes cursing its sad sometimes 
to be an iphone

i dont know what to do
she did after all save me like a drowning animal plucked from the rushing river
i could have been churned around and around in that washer

i guess i should thank her for that
i
do 
hope
she learned her lesson 

ill guess ill let her have me back
but
i think ill do some dinky things as she uses it just to jerk her new retractable chain a little

i know she is better than this

the organicgreend doctor