each year on December 22nd I go back and reread the blog I wrote on that day about my last day of practicing medicine
I read in the early morning before dawn all by myself
I pause as I read it thinking of that day and what it meant to me and my patients and my family
yesterday I reviewed the blog I wrote that day
I was by myself
it was late afternoon
yes
I stopped and cried
as I do each year when I read this blog
its like reading your own obituary sort of
like you've died but you get to read it
when I wrote this blog it was the day I went up to the university of texas southwestern alzheimers center in dallas to meet with the neurologist to go over my neuropsychological memory test and to make a decision for my future
I knew as I wrote in earlier chapters the last few weeks that while I was taking my memory test
I knew that I now had it
the alzheimers disease
about 2-3 weeks later I go the phone call
dr nash
it appears you have short term memory loss thats greater than it should be for your age and your degree of education
we recommend you see a neurology for an evaluation
if you see one of our neurologists we would like labs and an mri first
I chose to be seen by a neurologist there
so over the next month as I saw patients I knew that was probably the last time I would see them
I tried to get my practice ready for my not returning after my neurology visit
I refilled patients prescriptions early
I stopped seeing new patients
I had patients come in early for physicals and well child check and rechecks
the last day I worked
I had a nurse bring in her child for his two year old exam as the clinic closed that day
he was the last patient I saw in my medical career
as I was leaving that day the clinic supervisor stopped me
looked at me
said
you arent coming back are you
no
I said to myself
this is it
12-22-2010
LAST DAY-THANKS this my last day to work as a physician
I always considered myself lucky to have been able to
do in life what i wanted to do since i was a middle schooler
in high school i was able to work in a local hospital in the
summer on weekends and during holidays
our family was poor so not only did i get financial benefit from
working but i also was exposed to a lot in the hospital setting
it made me know that i wanted to be a family physician
during college i worked as a emergency room technician
on weekends, weeknights, and holidays
this also gave me financial support but also exposed me to
different doctors and different emergency situations
i was accepted to medical school but never wavered on what
kind of doctor i wanted to be
a family physician
i was accepted to a family practice residency
after completing my residency i owed the federal government
three years to work at an approved federal underserved area
i was able to create with some help a site in the small
town near where i grew up
I worked there for three years
although traumatic at times it was a learning experience that i
carried throughout my career
after fulfilling my three year obligation and after sustaining a
large financial hit from my involvement with the local clinic
i was recruited to the area where i am working now
thanks to my medical school friend for helping me out in
my time of need
i have worked for 25 years as a family physician
i always wanted to be one
now it is time i have to quit not because i want to but
because a genetic health problem has risen its nasty head
and because of this I will have to discontinue what i like to do
i do not ever dread going to work every day
i feel like i have now just gotten good at what i do
I realize that patients dont necessarily need all of the new
medications we have, the new tests we can do or need
the newest treatments available
they do better if you just listen to them, pat them on the
shoulder, be kind to them and be their advocate when
they need it
i have honed my skills in taking care of kids over my career so
that many of the kids have felt comfortable seeing me and look
forward to seeing me to get a sticker or sucker, hear my
duck voice, or have me joke with them
that part i will miss a lot
thanks to all my patients in the past for allowing me to fulfill
my dream of being a family physician
i hope i have done you a good job
thanks to my wife she for putting up with me during
my quest for my career
I know she found hers
love yall
the organicgreen doctor
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