alzheimers news-last day

ALZHEIMERS NEWS-LAST DAY
if my amnestic mild cognitive impairment does as it
is expected to do
progress to full blown alzheimers disease
could i or should i or would i
choose my last day

my cousin about my age posted online on facebook
this article
the last day of her life from the nytimes magazine

i know she must think about all this a lot
since like me
her mom and dad both died with dementia
she watched them dwindle away
as did all her dads siblings
including my mother who was a sister to her dad

we all know what that final course is like
i saw it first hand in my mother and my younger brother
it was so difficult to see them in those final stages
with all the health issues that that entails
almost cruel it seemed

so i think about this a lot
and
i have thought about this a lot
and
this article just makes me want to pause a minute
and
think about this article

could or would or should i plan something like this

now ive seen on tv these specials on euthanasia
where folks are allowed to legally end their life
now i will admit though that it seemed some of
those folks had more living to do
but
there were many whose time had come
cant we let them die with some dignity at the time
and place of their choosing

now i watched still alice the movie about the
college professor who had alzheimers disease
she planned hers out
even got the drugs set aside in a drawer
with the instructions on her computer on how to
do this final episode of her life

the problem was she couldnt understand
and
follow the directions

i look at my mothers disease progression
and
my younger brothers progression
and
i think at what point would be the point to
do this final episode of my life

i think of times in their disease
and
think definitely before them
then
at earlier times
no definitely not yet

so timing is the problem
for you see i plan to extract all i can out this
final journey
but
when no more can be extracted
then
its time

but
am i going to be like still alice where ive waited
too late

i think this person in this article was a brave brave
person
to do what she did
she left on her own terms
before the final deep despondent for everyone involved
heart wrenching loss of humanity decline
occurs

now
i know thats the thing to do
i would want it that way
but
scheduling it seems to be the problem

i want to be remembered as a good family doctor
a good husband
a good father
a good grandfather

an advocate

a volunteer
an organic gardener
and
not as a shriveled up shell of myself at the end
both physically and mentally

take a moment
read this article
dont judge

the organicgreen doctor