not again

NOT AGAIN
my historian brother is quite actively involved in doing
our ancestry through ancestry.com

he recently sent me a link which showed my ancestry
from my kids and nephews and nieces back through me
to my parents their siblings and their parents
it looked like a big tree pulled up from its roots
with my parents in the trunk area

i recently sat and looked at all the names on there


my mother died in the final stages of alzheimers disease
her mother died with dementia i presume its the same
her grandfather her moms dad had the same
all 5 of her siblings died with dementia

my dad probably had alzheimers disease when he died of
a heart attack
he was spared going into those final awful stages
his sister had dementia when she died
im not sure of his other siblings
his mom died with dementia


then in his early 50s my younger brother joe
the one with the blue eyes and smile
was diagnosed and died a few years later
in the final stages


then at 60 when i volunteered for an alzheimers study
in the normal group of a big study
it was shown i had short term memory loss
eventually getting the diagnosis of
early mild cognitive impairment amnestic type
that time between normal and alzheimers disease
it was felt to be probably due to alzheimers disease
and i was placed on aricept (donepezil)

most if not all my siblings went to their doctors later
to get screened for memory loss
they reported everything was ok

i remember sitting in the chair while doing my
neuropsychological tests
and
when they read those words to me
and
i couldnt remember them
i got this sweaty cold feeling
a surreal moment
i knew it was my time

last week i got a message
could you call me

so i called him back
i started noticing some problems with my memory so i went
to my dr
he did this test on me
from asking questions it was the mincog test
he didnt pass it
now i knew if you dont pass the mincog test then you are
farther along than i am
i could be 8-10 years before i reach that stage

so he said he had labs done that was normal
and
his ct scan of the brain
he couldnt have a mri since he had a pacemaker
showed changes in the brain where short term memory is stored

he placed me on aricept he said

who was this
its my older brother

i felt that same sweaty cold feeling again
and
i teared up

not again i said
its not fair

so that makes three of us brothers that got it
its not fair is it

i asked him
do you mind if i write about this and talk about this
when i do my dementia talks

no he said
i want you to

if you hadnt talked about it so much
i wouldnt have gone and got tested

if my story will help someone else
please tell it

so i just did
i like his attitude about the diagnosis
it really matches how i feel about talking about it

but
i still was thinking

its not fair
not again

we need a cure or treatment for our kids and grandkids

the organicgreen doctor